Afternoon's Mind Rambling

Pernah nggak sih lo berpikir mau jadi orang lain? Jadi orang yang lebih hebat, orang yang bener-bener lo liat di depan mata udah berhasil mencapai semua yang lo inginkan di dunia? Pendeknya, orang yang meraih mimpi lo. Mimpi lo. Bukan mimpi dia.

Gue sering. Mungkin malah terlalu sering.

Mau keluar negeri. Mau exchange. Mau dapet beasiswa. Mau proyekan. Mau deket sama dosen. Mau ini, mau itu. Semua hal yang sepertinya cuma bisa gue lihat di depan mata. Semua hal yang dilakuin dan didapatkan teman-teman dan senior-senior gue.

Wow just wow. I was wondering how they could have done all that. Did they put their hardest effort? Or they just got that effortlessly?

In this academic world called college, my college particularly, they said it would be a waste if I hadn't gone overseas for once. Because with that big name my university has, the students could have gone abroad easily.

Masalahnya, the easiest way to go abroad in academic way is by attending conference. Dan konferensi tak lain dan tak bukan muncul dari hasil submit abstrak which meanssss it's all about research. And what if the person, like me, didn't have any idea to submit on? 

Ya Allah ini memusingkan sekali.

Gue sering banget mikir kayak gini. Like sering pake banget.

Sering juga bertanya-tanya gue sebenernya bisa ngapain sih? Potensi gue apaan sih? I'm not mastering any lesson, I'm just an average. 

In math? Not-so-good. If you don't want to call it bad.

Linguistic? A bit better. But I'm not that kind of person that makes speaking a way to make a living. I'm an introvert after all.

Creativity? Just don't count me in.

Pusing nggak? Like I've really thought about this hundred or even thousand times.

What will I really do later?

Apa gue harus ngambil tes-tes psikologi yang nunjukin bakat dan potensi biar tau gue bisa apa? Terus kalo udah harus ngapain?

Gue lagi nggak pengen menasehati diri gue sendiri, walaupun di kepala gue sudah bermunculan wejangan-wejangan bak orang tua yang selalu positif.

Hari ini, cukup sampai disini.

Semoga kamu cepat muncul dan disadari ya potensi, biar bisa ku pertajam dan jadi ahli.

Ya Rabbana, semoga hamba-Mu ini tidak disesatkan jalannya menjemput rezeki.

Aamiin allahumma aamiin.