her.

i saw her again today. 

hair in ponytails, simple denim jacket, black trousers, blue backpack, navy Converse. i’ll bet shades of blue as her favorite color.

she always stands there, at the very same spot, leaning to the last pole of the platform.

earbuds on, ipod in her pocket. 

sometimes i stand close enough to know that she smells of popcorn. the ones with caramel.

other times i watch her from afar, watching her lips form some syllables that’s greatly possible a song from her playlist.

she always hops on the same train, the train on which i hop too. the ten to six train, in the morning.

---

today, i hop on the same car of the train. she was right beside me. 

i could smell the caramel aroma. sweet and got me bewitched.

i could see the little mole behind her ear. someone ever said a person whose mole behind ears is a good listener. i wonder if she is one.

i could eavesdrop the song she’s listening. call it dreaming by iron and wine.

i love the song.i love the way universe conspires for us to stand side by side. although not hand in hand. at least, not yet.

and i may fall in love with her. somewhere in the middle of this ride. or someday when i no longer find her in my sight.

---

or perhaps i already did. 

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him.

that broad but not so broad shoulders.

that short black hair. 

that folded long-sleeve black shirt. 

that black-framed specs.

i don’t know since when my eyes started to realize his existence. perhaps just today, yesterday, or the day before yesterday.

my eyes always wander around, observe here and there, until they stop there. at the corner where he stands. just like that.

even until i will undoubtedly believe that he has invisible magnets within him.

he holds a book with dark cover.

---

the train is about to arrive. 

i shift my eyes to the direction from where it’s coming.

a smell of cedar wood suddenly creeps into my nose. 

i glance around only to find him standing behind me.

then i hop on the car. he hops after. standing in my right side.

i can smell him as clear as today’s sky. i feel intoxicated. no guy ever smells this good before.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe. i can read the book’s title now that it’s within my eyesight.

---

“hmm, sorry? you got some tissues left on your forehead.” he suddenly speaks, touching his own forehead.

i stammer at those sudden words, mirroring his action in reflex. “ah? thanks.”

he nods, smiling. a smile so soft that could make every heart flutters.

---

i don’t fall for someone easily.

but when i do, i fall hard.

with no caution and question.

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New Life, New You

It might be true that whenever you plan to start something new, you gotta be the new you.

---

Hi! A month passed without any post. Not because I don't have anything to write, but it's because I have too many things to write.

It's September 10 and one of my long-lost twin brother just got married yesterday. It's one emotional ride though. We're close enough that somehow I feel like I could relate to him in many ways. When he first told me that he's going to marry, I was taken aback and had to make sure that it's real. Him being him that I knew all this time wouldn't decide to marry this soon. But he has changed. 

How could I know that he did? Because I feel it. From the way we communicate, his choice of words, and his way of thinking. I believe in written words so strong that I perceive someone's personality and feeling through it. I blurted it out though, saying he's gotten wiser than ever.

A willing of change, is one thing I marked most from this time. You got to take a deeper risk, learn something new, and then got a bigger result. Just like how he dared asking his girlfriend (now wife) to marry him, he should have learnt how to be a good and responsible husband for her. The reason itself varies from one individual to another though. His might be due to jealousy and remorse, mine and yours might be due to a shocking event? A random encounter? Or we'd share the same reason as him? We'd never know.

The only thing I think I realize is you have to change if you'd like to have a new life. Because it's greatly possible that the old you could no more accomodate the new challenges which tagged along. And this, only means a change to be a better version of you.

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s.y.u.k.u.r

Telah hidup kita, puluhan tahun lamanya

Namun coba tanya, seberapa sering diri ini bahagia?

Telah bertemu kita, dengan puluhan orang

Namun coba tanya, berapa banyak yang membantu masalah hilang?

Telah jatuh kita, menggoreskan ratusan luka

Namun coba tanya, berapa banyak luka yang sembuh hanya dengan pelukan saja?

Dengan semua hal tersebut, bersyukur menjadi mutlak

Agar hidup tidak terjebak kemiskinan telak

Syukur hanya sebuah kata

Namun mewujudkannya dalam tindakan nyata

Butuh usaha ekstra

Sering kita bilang bersyukur

Namun nyatanya diri tetap terpekur

Meratapi harapan yang dipaksa terkubur

Kau tau kenapa?

Karena penyakit hati tidak pandang usia

Bibir berkata ikhlas

Namun hati menyumpah pedas

Ayo belajar bersyukur

Agar luasnya hati tak lagi dapat diukur

Si penulis pun juga ikut menegur

Dirinya yang sering alpa dalam tutur

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Assassination Classroom (Ansatsu Kyoushitsu) Review

Hiiii! I'm back with another anime review! Gotta be short anyway since this is mostly slice of life genre in my opinion that I can't tell you much how it progressed over time. It's been a while since I watched this, actually. But somehow I need longer time to recover from the impact lol. I'm one of those people who refused to watch this high-ranked anime because of not-so-reassuring visual's character. It's until one of my newest acquaintance said that it was a super good anime with emotional moral value. And there was I, giving it a shot. It made me fell head over heels and "battered" after watching. How can I not when it's sooo angsty that I cried almost an hour long for the last 3 episodes. My eyes got swollen and sure was I exhausted. What a girl.

This anime tells about a special class with most low-ranked kids in a school who are asked to kill an alien, a smart alien at that. This weird alien that seems to come out of nowhere moves with Mach 20 velocity and yellow-colored with some tentacles turns out to be a great educator. It educates the kids better than the real teachers are. This alien called Kuro-sensei. He believes that his students are all great persons with their own special talents. Days passed with their attempt to kill their teacher. While they are at it, they gain new knowledges and learn how to appreciate themselves and people in their surrounding more. There are also some back stories for how this alien became an alien. In the end, they succeed the mission with helluva tears. God damn it I'm gonna weep again. Oh welp, I'm totally recommending this to you!

After Taste : Too much onions. I'm crying my tears and heart out. It's soooo heartwarming but funny and witty and I surely don't mind watching it again in the future.

Best Part : "You've come so far, class." Kuro-sensei said in the end. Damn. Just a line and I broke into tears. Many outstanding and lesson-learned kind of dialogues. And of course the chemistry of the class was no jokes that you'll have many pairings to end up together. Here are some screenshots!

Bonus: my boi, Akabane Karma!

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Tentang Cita-Cita

Pukul 4 pagi dan saya masih nanar menatap layar laptop di hadapan. 

Meski layar laptop hanya menunjukkan layar putih tanpa objek yang dapat dipandang.

Pikiran saya melayang; pada kejadian-kejadian yang telah berlalu, pada pilihan-pilihan yang tidak saya pilih, hingga jutaan kemungkinan lain yang tidak terjadi.

Sering, sering sekali saya begini. Mungkin malah, terlalu sering.

Saya tidak bisa berpikir ingin jadi apa di masa depan. Selama itu baik dan tidak menyimpang dari agama yang saya anut, selama orangtua saya ridho, juga selama saya bahagia.

Cita-cita bagi saya tampak abu-abu.

Julukan "orang yang visioner" tidak tepat disematkan untuk saya. Karena toh cita-cita terjauh saya saat ini hanyalah menempuh pendidikan master di luar negeri.

Pernah dalam satu wawancara kerja, saya ditanya ingin jadi apa dengan masuk ke jurusan saya. 

Saya kelimpungan. Tidak pernah sekalipun saya memiliki cita-cita nyata se-rigid itu. 

Ingin jadi menteri pembangunan, ingin jadi dosen, ingin jadi peneliti. Bagi saya, semua sama saja.

Pertanyaan itu tidak terjawab dengan lugas.

Hari-hari setelahnya, saya bertanya-tanya pada diri saya : kamu mau jadi apa, zah?

Pikiran saya terdiam. Hati saya yang menjawab.

Jawabannya tetap sama : jadi orang baik yang semoga bisa bermanfaat bagi orang-orang di sekitarnya.

Cita-cita saya masih sesederhana itu.

Mungkin, orang-orang di luar sana memandang saya aneh. Seolah-olah tidak memiliki usaha dan mimpi.

Tapi (lagi-lagi) menurut saya, tidak semua orang adalah jenis orang yang memiliki target strict dan real.

Atau saya hanya masih lugu. 

Masih naif dengan punya cita-cita jadi orang baik.

Padahal orang-orang di luar sana punya cita-cita pasti yang membuatnya terus hidup dan berlari.

Ah, diri.

Mungkin kamu harus berpikir lebih keras lagi.

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Mereka Tidak Tahu....

Mereka tidak tahu sekeras kepala apa diri mereka sampai ia dipertemukan dengan orang lain

Mereka tidak tahu betapa hidup mereka lebih baik sampai ia dipertemukan dengan orang lain

Mereka tidak tahu banyak orang yang mendamba bisa makan 3 kali sehari, juga berlimpah air bersih sesuka hati

Aku, kamu, kita, adalah mereka

Yang sering lupa bahwa masih ada orang dengan taraf kehidupan di bawah kita

Yang sering alpa berderma

Yang kadang terlena iri dengan kehidupan mewah seleb insta

Tapi kita  bukan Tuhan

Kita manusia

Yang bisa salah tapi juga bisa belajar karena salah

Ayo belajar dari bertemu orang lain

Kamu juga pasti merasa hangat jika pertanyaan "Pak/Bu/Mas/Mba, kalo mau ke X ke arah mana ya?" dijawab dengan ramah dan senyum oleh orang asing yang kamu temui di jalan, kan?

Sebersit pikiran "Wah, masih banyak orang baik disini" pasti terlintas

Pikiran dan perasaan hangat itu yang harus diingat

Disimpan dalam hati agar tidak mati

Dilakukan ulang jika hal yang sama terjadi

Agar bangsa ini tidak mudah dilalap api

Agar "mereka tidak tahu" berubah jadi kesadaran mutlak akan "aku tahu, dan aku bersyukur untuk itu"

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