The Ordeals

Hai! Entah ini hari keberapa sebelum UN yang makin deket tapi persiapan masih gitu gitu aja. Dan 12 malah ngadain try out mulu tanpa pembahasan. Hari ini mulai pra US sampe kamis, terus lanjut TO lagi. Gitu gitu aja terus. Mabok nggak tuh hiks. Pembahasan pakabar. Key i'll try harder ofc. Now, like the title I've written up there, i wanna share some ordeals i have to face these recent days.

1. My mom got hospitalized. 

So, this is started from a slut aunt called Dian, an agent of Herbalife lalalala idc what its name. She's one of my uncle's friend, said the story. Mommy bought her product in order to make me losing my weight. ME. But in fact, she also bought some pills for recovering her illness. Then the few days later she's not getting well and becoming worst. And she still said that it was just the reaction of the pills in the beginning. Well, i trust her, ofc. What else can I do? But day by day later, she had to have some days bed resting. What the fuck. Since the beginning, since my mom showed me her becoming worst illness, i told her to stop drink the fucking pills but she still, drank it. And finally on maybe 5 days after, she was brought for being hospitalized. And along those days, that madafaka aunt didn't appear again in front of my nose. And see how is my mother's condition right now. She's even hard to walk. WALK. How couldn't i be mad at her? I wanna punch her face so bad for sure. Maybe later.

2. My grandma's brother passed away.

Well, he's counted as my grandpa too isn't he? On maybe last Thursday he got hospitalized too and diagnosed as hard stroke. So far, all i know from the stroke disease is it attacks the brain nerves. Not touch the side of its sufferer or even break it. But it's done to my grandpa. His side is broken and he lost much bloods. Till 4 days later, he exhaled his last breath. Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un. May Allah keep you safe there Mbah :') aamiiin ya Rabbal 'alamin (˘ʃƪ˘) i'm gonna miss you for sure ._.

Yup maybe just that 2 but for me it's hard enough. Much maybe. How the people you loved suddenly being taken from you. It must be hurt. And also here, i am feeling so thankful for having Fila Desi Pertiwi here. One of my best friend and also a sister at once. Thanks for all supports, prayers, and the comfortable hugs till this far. Thanks for standing beside me even when my English practical exam is failed because the fulfilled mind of my mom. Also for the left siders; Tia, Sasya, Suci, Evi, Septi, for the supports and laughters during the hard time. For Nesya, the only classmate and the best spazzing partner I have ever had, thanks for the spazzing time we've spent till now. For Bila and Aeji, thanks for worrying me that much and also for the prayers for my mom. For Gaby the gay Bee, thanks also. I ♥ you. We've to meet up someday! Don't know how my life would be without you, guys. Allah, thank you so damn much for giving me those kind of people. Do not ever go from my life, Allah the most Merciful. And for Fani, my beloved sister that always hiding her trouble alone, we're such a strong gurl. Keep fighting and supporting♥

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Mental Break Down

Hai! Post random lagi sih sebenernya. hngg ini  bukan lagunya SJM yang baru ya _-_ jadi ceritanya.........ya gitu deh baca aja nih sendiri. gue nulis ini di private document gue dan entah kenapa pengen gue share. maafin kalo rada awkward, kan ini monolog. dan anyway gue baru tau kalo nulis di sela-sela belajar mtk itu ternyata.....enak ya <3 br="">

Kenapa ya gue mental breakdown mulu ih. Bete tau. Berasa apa sih jah elah. Setiap liat nesya on spazzing acc terus main sama bila, fajar, gebi, chyl, monic, siapapun deh anak exostan pokoknya, kayaknya kok asik banget. Gue ngiri sumpah. Anak tlist gue gaada yang segitunya. Makanya gue males sekarang main sama elpeu. Inang ga termasuk ya. Mainnya tuh bukan cuma ngomongin bias doang, bukan cuma ngomongin fandom doang, tapi tuh macem-macem, biarpun ada kaitannya sama korea juga. Tapi kan jadinya asik ya main kayak gitu meskipun ga ketemu. Gue jadi mikir masa, apa perlu gue pindah jadi exostan dulu baru bisa kayak gitu. Tadinya sih waktu kenal rezi gue mikir bisa jadi kayak gitu, eh ternyata nggak. Jaim juga dia. Hah. Kapan bisa dapet teman seru-seruan kayak nesya ya huft. Tuhkan mental breakdown lagi. Capek. Ngiri, tapi gaboleh ngiri. Sebel ya sebel karena gue gabisa jb kan gue bukan exostan. Nesya englishnya proper lah gue shabby. Kalo liat chyl, gebi gitu gitu juga englishnya proper. Gosh, kapan English gue proper jugaaaaa ;___; miris. Harus gue duluan yang buka percakapan, bukan mereka. Sampe kapan harus gue duluan. Kalo udah kayak gini nih biasanya gue pasti mikir gue harus bersyukur sama Allah buat semuanya. Ya tapi gimana kalo compare nya ke nesya dia lebih semua-muanya. Gue bingung. Sebenernya tuh gue punya apaan sih yang lebih dari yang lain. Berat badan? Jelas. Gausah ditanya. Others please. Kayaknya gaada gitu loh. Keluarga harmonis, yang lain juga punya. Ortu masih lengkap, Alhamdulillah. Tapi yang lain juga masih punya, walaupun gak semuanya. Materi berlimpah? Enggak. Masih banyak yang lebih berlimpah dari gue. Tuh coba apa yang lebih selain berat badan? Nah udah deh zah, kayaknya ini saatnya lo ngerubah pemikiran lo soal konsep bersyukur. Orang bisa bersyukur karena dia ngerasa lebih. Kalo lo bandingin diri lo sama nesya yang notabene lebih semuanya, lo gak akan pernah bisa bersyukur. Coba aja. Lo liat yang di bawah lo. Lo liat anak-anak jalanan yang tiap hari ngamen di lampu merah. Coba bayangin kalo itu lo sama fani, sama aqih. Rasanya jauh kan? Mereka makan sehari 3 kali aja belom tentu. Belom kalo misalnya ada mas-mas serem yang kayak di sinetron itu tuh yang suka nagihin ‘pajak’ kalo mereka ngamen di ‘wilayah kekuasaannya’. Prihatin kan? Yuk jah ah, dirubah konsep bersyukur lo. nesya boleh punya temen spazzing yang asik. Englishnya nesya boleh proper. Tapi itu kan something yang dia deserve, yang dia pantes dapet karena dia belajar. Lo mau English lo proper? Ya lo juga belajar. Lo kadang gengsian juga sih jah kalo mau belajar English. Buang gengsi lo elah. Gengsi menyesatkan, nanti lo nggak berkembang. Emang lo mau makan gengsi kalo udah gede? Enggak kan. Kalo temen, okelah mungkin itu emang takdirnya mereka ketemu di spazzing acc. Bisa dicari kalo lo mau kok. Takdir kan dijemput, bukan cuma ditunggu. Harus ada usahanya jah. Besok-besok jangan mental break down lagi ya. Tuh kan kenapa gue malah nasihatin diri gue sendiri hahahah. Gapapa sih, kan gue gausah ngerepotin orang buat bikin gue up lagi. Kadang gue emang ngerasa kebagi jadi 2 personality sih. Nope, bukan berarti gue punya 2 orang dengan kepribadian beda kayak orang kepribadian ganda gitu. Cuma kadang tuh apa ya, satu bagian diri gue ngedown dan bagian yang lain itu ngebuild yang down itu. Karena emang aslinya gue yang tau diri gue sendiri kan, bukan orang lain. Makanya kalo ada orang yang nasihatin gue itu kadang emang susah ngena, kecuali telak banget. Nah kalo udah telak banget gitu biasanya bakalan gue inget sepanjang masa. selama gue masih ngelakuin sesuatu. Liat sikon dulu sih. Wks. Sudahlah. Harus ngerjain rangkuman agama dan ngafalin basing. Paipai! Doain ulangan mtk nya juga ya J

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Holiday is over!

So tomorrow is Monday, January  7 2013 means the holiday reaches its end. Back to school, back to all the routines we have to pass every single day. And back to the exams for all the final grade students. No more spazzing chatting with friends. Well, maybe sometimes but less. There's no time left, they said. Yes sir, we know as clear as the sun shining in the midday, but can you please throw out the national exam? Lmao they wouldn't do it for sure. I, personally think that I didn't do any preparation during this holiday. All I did were just sleeping, eating, hanging out and fangirling. The rest is I'm staying at home. Though in the holiday's start, I really wanna go somewhere quiet enough to freeze my head, before my brain got its quandary. In doing exam, I mean. At least, I could get any new experience during this holiday. Hah but reality is hard guys, dad didn't have any plan to go, so yeah you know right.

And through this post I wanna say goodbye to all my otps, my ghei oppars. Indeed, you rocked guys. Perhaps I can't see you for some next months, so keep being well! {} and I'm looking forlorn enough to break my own promise I think. I didn't do hiatus. I'm still fangirling but doing less frequency of it :') So anyone, please don't mind to remind me about that, in case I've too much sunk on it. I don't know what will happen next with my fangirl world, so I give it all to Allah :''') 

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FANGIRLING STOPS here

Well so, hi! 2nd day of 2013! wish we would get better in this year! amin ;)

some days left for the holiday which means i've to get ready for the try outs, practical and school exam, and the ultimate last : national exam! so yeah, i'd like to post this in bahasa.

key, jadi sehubungan sama national exam yang udah deket, gue mutusin buat berhenti fangirling dulu buat sementara waktu. well, sampai UN selesai doang sih. tapi kan tetep aja waktunya lumayan lama, soalnya gue hiatus, jadi total berhentinya hiks. and it's torturing tbh. fangirling is indeed addictive guys, believe it or not. tapi yang namanya usaha kan pasti harus ada yang dikorbanin, ya kayak fangirling ini. susah sih emang, pake banget bahkan cuma ya gimana lagi, fangirling abis UN nanti kan masih bisa, kalo sekarang fangirling terus nanti UN nya gimana nasibnya kan jeung huhuhu. wish me luck for all the exams :') dan yang bikin tambah susah itu kan gue harus stop liat acc spazz gue yang isinya fangirl-fangirl ninja itu, yang kalo update info terbaru + foto pake kecepatan cahaya saking cepetnya wks. bakal kangen mereka bangeeett :''' udah kangen sih sebenernya, udah 2 hari gue nggak tweeting sama sekali disitu ha ha ha ditahan bu tapi liat tlist aje udah kebat-kebit juga wakakak. break down mv nya SJM kapan keluar ya ck mana ada mubank maret nanti mana SS5 confirmed maret pula gosh what world i'm livin in rite now T____T jadi fangirl emang susah tapi asik. lo ngggak bakal ngerti deh asiknya kecuali kalo lo fangirl juga. apalagi kpopers. beh, thumbs up banget buat fandom-fandomnya hihihi jadi inget elpeu{} well, emang sih bakal ada yang setia sampe akhir ada juga yang nyerah terus pindah fandom lain di tengah-tengah. proses, mungkin? semuanya punya hak buat pindah atau tetap di fandomnya, biarin aja. toh meskipun ada yang pindah, ada juga yang masih bertahan kan? ah sudahlah, cuma sekadar sentilan cikit buat para fangirl yang suka nyindir-nyindir temennya yang pindah fandom. padahal dia sendiri gatau dia bakal selamanya begitu atau malah besoknya dia yang pindah. there's none who knows your deepest heart but your God, isn't it?

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Random Part 2

Hola! Why did I give 'Random part 2' for the title? Yah because this post would gonna be random as always~

Okay, so today my 5th term report was distributed and guess what rank I got? The 24th one. Sigh. The new history of my lifetime~lol. I personally didn't think it too deep and just let it go away. But seems my parents didn't think the same as I did. Ah,whatever. I do not care for the rank. The only thing I care is about what state university I will get later. Haaah,this is pretty hard ._. wish me luck for being accepted in University of Indonesia next year,guys! Amen:)

Next. I've watched 5cm the movie. Twice. And I cried in the both of them. There's no one like me,I think. The one who cried so hard like a baby. Maudlin girl. I knew there's no sad scene there. So why? Hmm,because I saw Mahameru. I saw they reached the top of it,guys. Remember what I wrote in my recent post? Mahameru's peak is one of my biggest dream to reach. It is one of many places I wanna visit. And I should be there,with them. Sigh.  Let's pretend that my tears is a kind of my disappointing expression and it would be okay huahaha. And I'm still,and always,dream to be there. To reach its peak. Wish me luck (again)! :D And umm,Fedi Nuril,having a role as Genta,had successfully stolen my heart wuhuhu. I don't know why but he looked so lovable and charismatic there. Huahaha forget it. 

So,how? Is it random as usual? I think so. Hehehe,that's it! Btw,thankyouuu:) 

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Babo Family! Elpeu! ELF!

Gue gatau sih sebenernya gue harus sedih apa seneng punya keluarga kayak ELF. Di satu sisi, gue seneng. Banget malah. Rasanya punya temen oh bukan, keluarga bahkan dimana mana itu...something abis. Berasa bgt lo ada dan diakuin. Di sisi yg lain, gue benci. Benci bgt sama ELF. ELF yg suka cari fanwar. Suka pamer. Berasa lo yang paling bener jadi ELF. Terus yang jadi haters bb/gb lain deh. Ugh. Bete bgt tuh sama yg model begitu. Padahal sih SJ nya nyantai, yaiyalah wong itu hoobaes mereka kok. EHEM. Oke sebut merek, EXO. Banyak banget kan ELF yg sebel sama exo? Ngaku deh! Terus gamau follback ELF yg lain cuma gara gara ELF itu juga suka sama EXO. Alasannya sih, cuma mau follback yg ELF murni alias pure ELF. Hello mas mbak, nyadar nggak? Emang kalian semua nggak pernah ada rasa suka sedikiiiiitt aja sama bb/gb lain gitu? Emang selama ini kalian cuma dengerin terus terusan lgu SJ tiap hari? Gaada lagu yang lain? Bahkan suka sama lagu selain SJ juga enggak? Fine, kalo yang kayak gitu masih boleh lah ya dibilang pure ELF. Tapi kalo kalian masih suka dengerin lagu lain selain lagu SJ, ngak usah muna lah, akuin aja kalo kalian emang suka lagunya. Sifat dasar manusia emang gampang bosen kok. Tapi nggak setiap yang suka sama lagu satu bb/gb lain terus langsung masuk fandomnya kan? Fandom itu pilihan masbro, nggak sembarangan. Kalo udah ada orang yang ngaku dia ELF, terus dia nggak boleh ngetweet tentang bb/gb lain gitu? Kalo dia udah ngaku ELF, liat aja tingkahnya, sesuai nggak samaa apa yang diomongin. Jangan bisanya cuma nge judge orang sembarangan aja. Misalnya tiba tiba bilang 'Ah,dia mah ELF abal. Tuh liat aja tweetnya, masa tentang EXO?' ya terus? Lo bisa nilai orang cuma dengan liat tweetnya yang satu dua itu doang? Kalo mau ngestalk, mending yang profesional sih mbak mas ya saran saya, jangan setengah setengah. Nanti yang ada ya kayak tadi itu. Asal nge judge. Asal njeplak. 

Oke yang kedua. ELF yang suka pamer. Maksudnya suka pamer itu apa ya? Suka pamer disini itu tuh maksudnya suka pamer pamerin barang ataupun show show yang pernah mereka datengin. Oke misalnya ada temen lo yang ELF juga, sama kayak lo. Terus dia baru beli album gitu deh, dapet poster gede blablabla lainnya. Eh dia ngomongin ituuuuu terus seharian ke lo nggak bosen bosen, padahal kuping lo udah panas banget. Capek. Diemin aja udah, mending pake headset atau apa kek yang bisa bikin lo nggak denger omongannya dia. And then satu macam ELF yang suka pamer lagi itu....pamer kalo dia pernah dateng ke show show yang ada. Misalnya SuShow atau SMTOWN. Nah terus dia misalnya sempet disenyumin atau dapet barang gitu dari SJ oppars, terus ditulis deh di bio twitternya. Biar dibaca orang gitu, jadi kan famous tuh yuhuhu~well, sebenernya gue nggak ngerti ya tujuan orang orang yang ngelakuin itu, sekedar cari sensasi biar followers nya banyak apa gimana juga gue gatau. Yang jelas kalo yang kayak gitu sih gausah dipajang pajang lah ya di bio kalo menurut gue. Too much precious aja kalo kata gue. Tanpa lo pajang juga itu bakalan jadi salah satu dari sekian banyak momen tak terlupakan buat lo, kalo lo ELF asli ya, bukan musiman. Yah at least, lo nggak bakalan dianggep pamer banget lah cuma karena lo udah nonton show show itu. Soalnya kan nggak semua ELF itu kaya, mampu,bisa, dan boleh diizinin pergi nonton show show yang lo tonton. Hargain dikit lah perasaan keluarga sendiri. 

 Yup, sudahlah. Semuanya bakal balik ke kalian masing masing, karena ini kan Human Rights. Ya gue sih cuma pengen ngingetin doang. Dan well ini nggak cuma berlaku buat ELF doang sih, semua fandom sebenernya. Cuma ya karena gue elpeu, ya gue nyontohin fandom gue sendiri lah ya. Hm, dan last, semua yang gue tulis ini berdasarkan pov gue, sudut pandang gue, jadi ya kalo ada yang nggak setuju sama pendapat gue, ya feel free to comment lah. Free to state your argument here. Thankyu!

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#슈퍼주니어7주년♥

Happy 7th Anniversary Super Junior! 슈퍼주니어7주년!

Oh please I know I'm late to talk about this today. But it caused by all the homeworks, daily tests, tasks, yeah much. Uncountable. So, I apologize for saying this late.

It's already 7 years left. Is it good? I think it's not just good, but great isn't it? Spending time together for 7 years must be hard. You don't know each other in the beginning and then turned into close brothers. 13 boys. 13 different soul. 13 different life. Mixed into one group called Super Junior. A project group who has turned into the global star. I sometimes amazed how you all can do it. But finally I know, hardwork can make it. 

Moreover, I just wanna say thankyou so so much for all the laughters, tears, friends, lessons, and etc you've given me. It's my 2nd years to be an ELF. And every time I do fangirling about you, it feels so exciting. Feels like I have no power limit to talk about you, to see you sing together, to bully you the most. I teased you but I'm loving you T_T sometimes I think when this would be end, when I'd forget you, and etc. But I've never found the answer. I'm tired for loving you but I can't move on. At the end, I'll always come back to you and forget the silly thought. Because I'll never regret loving you. You give me spirit, motivation, inspiration, pleasure, friends. We laughed, shed tears, and wait for our leadernim and princess back from the army together. Are those things have to regret? I don't think so. So, I give up and let my heart loves you more and more. 

Thankyou for being exists, Super Junior. You're always 13+2. Always be my shining star, my spirit in the hard time, my reminder to get up when I fall. You'll always be the one and only. Me love you♥

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